No More Candlelight
by Hopeful Romantic
Summary: What if Lorelai made a Luke Box?
1. No Box Big Enough

**Disclaimer: **Now, for my next trick, I will state the obvious (grin) The Gilmore Girls belong to Amy Sherman-Palladino and the grand high Mucky Mucks of the WB. The show and the stars deserve Emmys. I am making less than nothing from this and no copyright infringement is intended. Any similarity to any other story not my own is coincidence.

"One More Time;" Message in a Bottle; Laura Pasini.

**Rating: **PG for language.

**Timeline: **Between "Wedding Bell Blues" and "So...Good Talk" (Season 5)

**Author's Notes:** I just got to thinking, what would Lorelai do if she made a "Luke Box?"

* * *

_**No More Candlelight **_

_Nothing I must do  
Nowhere I should be  
No one in my life  
To answer to but me_

_  
No more candlelight  
No more purple skies  
No one to be near  
As my heart slowly dies_

_If I could hold you one more time  
like in the days when you where mine  
I'd look at you 'till I was blind  
So you would stay_

_I'd say a prayer each time you'd smile  
Cradle the moments like a child  
I'd stop the world if only I  
Could hold you one more time_

_I've memorized your face  
I know your touch by heart  
Still lost in your embrace  
I'd dream of where you are_

_  
Dream of where you are_

_If I could hold you one more time  
Like in the days when you were mine  
I'd look at you 'till I was blind  
So you would stay_

_I'd say a prayer each time you'd smile  
Cradle the moments like a child  
I'd stop the world if only I  
Could hold you one more time_

_One more time…_

**Lorelai took a **deep breath and dropped the cardboard box to her feet as she stood in front of her bedroom closet.

"I can do this," she said into the still air of the room. "I _can_ do this," she repeated, willing the words to be the truth.

She took another deep breath and opened the closet door. "Okay," she said, talking herself through it. "So far so good." She scooted the box forward and reached into the clothes that were hanging there.

She spotted a flash of pink, and plucked the dress that she had worn to Liz and T.J's wedding from its hanger. "Okay," she told herself, "Now throw it in the box." But her hands refused to follow her command, and they clung to the fabric, her fingers tracing the patterns on the silk.

Unbidden, memory intruded, and Lorelai could do nothing but remember the feeling of Luke holding her close as they waltzed. She could practically smell his clean, warm scent, and feel the strength and gentleness of his arms as she stood there, lost in the remembrance. Her heart ached and she wanted nothing more in that moment, than to be back in his arms.

"No," she told herself firmly, forcing her hands to drop the dress in the box at her feet. Determined, she reached into the closet again.

This time, she pulled out the green blouse and skirt that she had worn for the Dragonfly's test run. She dropped the skirt into the box. "See," she told herself, "I can do this." But no matter how she tried, she couldn't seem to drop the green blouse into the box with its matching skirt. She wrapped it in her hands, and tried desperately to not cry.

Finally, after several moments, she got a hold of herself, and forced her hands to release the blouse. It dropped into the box like a leaf falling.

She turned away from the closet, only to find herself facing the bed. She took a shaky breath.

"Dresser," she said, choosing to change tactics.

She scooted the box along the floor and opened the second drawer of her dresser. She pulled out an innocuous looking pair of black jeans.

"Nothing special," she reassured herself. "Of course, if they were nothing special they wouldn't be going into the box. So I guess they're something. But they're not something that's going to make me cry."

Lorelai took a deep breath. "Oh my God, would you listen to me babbling to myself? Just put them in the box Lorelai. Put them in the box and keep going. Oh my God, I'm still doing it."

She took several deep breaths, closed her mouth, and dropped the jeans into the box. She reached for the top of the dresser and picked up the necklace and earrings that Luke had given her.

Suddenly, the room felt entirely too close and she couldn't breath.

"Okay, next room. We'll just go to another room," she said weakly.

Lorelai dropped the jewelry into the box and bent down to pick it up. She practically ran out of the bedroom and down the stairs to the living room. She stood at the foot of the stairs, clutching the box tightly.

"Okay, this is good, this is good," she spoke into the still air of the room. "Except that that's the window he fixed, and the lamp he bought to replace the one he broke when we chased down Stella, and the banister he repaired."

She felt tears threaten as she looked around the quiet living room. "The couch where we've kissed," she whispered.

With leaden feet, and still clutching the cardboard box tightly in her hands, Lorelai made her way out of the living room and past the entryway. As she walked through the house and into the kitchen doorway, her mind created a running list. "_The lock on the front door; the lock on the back door; all the crazy ways to get into my house. He replaced the front porch light and fixed the kitchen window latch."_

Desperately, she turned from the kitchen and walked into Rory's room. But even that room wasn't safe she realized, when she caught sight of the book shelf that Luke had built for Rory when she was in Chilton.

Blindly, Lorelai stumbled out of Rory's room and back to the entryway. With no other thought but that of escape, she opened the front door and stepped out into the chilled afternoon air.

Unbidden, memories of Luke overwhelmed her. She gasped, thinking of the porch railing that he had fixed, sitting with him on the steps and simply talking, and kissing him by the glow of the porch light. "That he replaced," she gasped.

"Oh God," she sobbed, finally dropping the box. "Oh God."

Lorelai raised a trembling hand to her lips, drowning in the memory of Luke's lips on hers. "Oh my God," she sobbed, falling inexorably down to the ground. She brought her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. She gasped, sobbing and rocking back and forth.

"Oh God, oh God, oh God…"

"Luke," she sobbed with a sound like her heart shattering into a million lost pieces…

"**Mom? Mom?" Rory**, knelt down next to her mother where she still sat, though the sun had long since set and the air hadturned frigid.

Dimly, Lorelai registered the concerned voice of her daughter.

"Mom? What's wrong? Oh God, Mom, answer me." Rory's voice took on a quiet edge of panic.

"The whole house," Lorelai replied quietly, her voice sounding distant to her own ears.

"What?" Rory asked, confused.

"The whole house, Rory. It's the whole house."

"Mom, you're not making any sense. What about the whole house?"

"I tried to make a 'Luke box,' but I couldn't. I just couldn't. The whole house is a 'Luke box'; everything," Lorelai sobbed.

"Mom," Rory said quietly, at a loss for what to do; what to say.

Lorelai finally turned haunted blue eyes to her daughter. "How do I do it, Rory? How I do I move on when he's everything?"

Rory had no answer. She had never seen her mother so lost or broken, or in so much pain; not with Max, or even Christopher, Rory's father.

"Oh God, Rory, I really think Luke was the 'one.' And now he's gone…" Lorelai bit back a sob. "He's everything, and it's all here." Lorelai started to rock back and forth slowly.

Rory reached for her mom and wrapped her arms around her.

"What do I do with everything?" Lorelai sobbed as Rory hugged her mother tight, rocking with her and making soothing sounds.

"I love him."

"I know mom. I know. Shh…it's going to be okay."

Rory rocked with her mom as Lorelai sobbed with a sound like her soul breaking…

**Fin **


	2. To Hold a Broken Heart

**Author's Notes: **I am so overwhelmed by the response to my little ficlits. You wouldn't believe how great it makes me feel that people seemed to have appreciated them! Joey's Angel asked for another chapter...so...here's a final chapter... :)

"Tonight I Wanna Cry;" Be Here; Keith Urban; 2004.

* * *

**No More Candlelight: **To Hold a Broken Heart 

_Alone in this house again tonight…I got the TV on, the sound turned down and a bottle of wine…There's pictures of you and I on the walls around me…The way that it was and could have been surrounds me…I'll never get over you walkin' away…_

_I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show…And I thought that bein' strong meant never losin' your self-control…But I'm just drunk enough to let go of my pain…To hell with my pride, let it fall like rain…From my eyes…Tonight I wanna cry…_

_Would it help if I turned a sad song on… "All by Myself" would sure hit me hard now that you're gone…Or maybe unfold some old yellow lost love letters…It's gonna hurt bad before it gets better…But I'll never get over you by hidin' this way…_

_I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show…And I thought that bein' strong meant never losin' your self-control…But I'm just drunk enough to let go of my pain…To hell with my pride, let it fall like rain…From my eyes…Tonight I wanna cry…_

_I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show…And I thought that bein' strong meant never losin' your self-control…But I'm just drunk enough to let go of my pain…To hell with my pride, let it fall like rain…From my eyes…Tonight I wanna cry…

* * *

_

**"Umm," the out-of-towner**, gestured for Lane. "I'm sorry, but I really need some new fries, these ones are cold and a little soggy. And while your at it, could I get some more coffee?"

Lane looked hesitantly over to where Luke was standing behind the counter.

"Miss? Did you hear me?" the man asked a little more loudly.

"Shh," Lane replied impulsively. "I heard you, but…"

Suddenly Luke stormed over, his eyes dark and cold as he roughly brought the man to his feet and shoved him out the door. He looked around menacingly.

"How's everyone else's fries?" Luke growled to the few remaining customers in his diner.

Frightened and startled patrons hurriedly assured the angry diner owner that their food was perfect. And when Luke stomped back behind the counter, many of them sighed quietly in relief.

"Luke?" Lane approached her boss hesitantly.

Luke turned to the petite girl, growling under his breath.

Just then, a smartly dressed woman walked through the door. "Oh good, you are open. I need coffee," she sighed.

"That's it," Luke growled. "We're closed, everybody out."

The newest customer opened her eyes wide, surprised at the diner owner's growl.

"You heard me, all of you, out!"

Lane rushed to help the startled customers up and out the door and the smartly dressed woman was caught up in the wave of fleeing diners. It only took moments for the diner to empty, the customers anxious to leave and avoid Luke and his irrational moods.

When everyone, including Lane and Cesar were gone, Luke locked the door and stomped upstairs to his apartment. Once he reached the door with its stenciled lettering, he opened it violently and slammed it shut with such force, that the glass rattled in its frame.

Without pausing, Luke headed over to the refrigerator and pulled out a dark bottle of beer. Beverage in hand, he stomped over to a chair and dropped into it. Quietly, he tipped back the dark beer, a brooding expression marring his handsome features. As he looked around his empty apartment, his eye caught at everything that reminded him of Lorelai. It seemed that everywhere he looked, painful memories lay scattered about the room.

Suddenly he rose, and with a grim determination, Luke began looking around for an empty cardboard box, finally finding one in his closet.

With a growl, he prowled the small confines of his apartment, gathering up things that Lorelai had left there; a pair of black high heels; a loose earring, a coffee mug. Once that was done, Luke started on the other things that reminded him of her. He ripped down the shelf that he had built for her in the bathroom, tossing her cinnamon toothpaste in the box. He moved the television from his bedroom and set it outside his door. He tossed the tie that he had worn to his sister's wedding in the box alongside a photo strip that Lorelai had somehow convinced him to take in a booth somewhere.

Suddenly in his wild orbit, he fetched up against a wooden chair. Hanging from the back, was the blue flannel shirt that Lorelai had claimed as her own. Luke reached out a trembling hand and lifted the shirt free. And then, unexpectedly, he found himself crying, something he hadn't done since his father had died so long ago.

He sat down heavily in the chair, the blue flannel still in his hands. With a sense of quiet despair, he realized that Lorelai's sweet and subtle scent still clung to the fabric of the shirt. He wrung the flannel in his hands, trying in vain to stop the tears that now fell inexorably from his eyes.

"Oh God," he whispered into the emptiness of his apartment. "Oh God."

He lay the shirt over his lap and brought his hands to his face. "Oh God, Lorelai," he gasped.

He had never thought that someone could hurt so much and keep breathing. It felt like he should be dead. It felt like somehow, he was missing the other half of his soul, and that surely should have killed him he thought.

"That's what happens isn't it?" He asked the still air. "When your heart stops, shouldn't you die?"

Suddenly the phone rang. Luke let it ring until the answering machine picked up.

"This is Luke Danes, leave a message," he heard his own voice announce on the tape.

"Umm, Luke?" Came a hesitant voice over the phone line. "It's Rory. Mom doesn't know that I'm calling, so don't think that she asked me to do this, okay? It's just, I don't know what else to do." Rory's voice paused as she took a deep breath. "I'm calling because Mom's pretty bad. I know that she doesn't want you to know that. She doesn't want to be that kind of girl with her ex-boyfriend. She doesn't want you to worry. But Luke," Rory's voice sounded hesitant and concerned, "I'm worried. I'm worried, because Mom's never been like this before and I don't know what to do. I mean, we're talking complete Ophelia here," Rory sighed. "I'm sorry, I can't believe I just said that. I just don't know what to do, Luke." Lorelai's daughter took another deep breath.

"She sent me away, Luke. She wouldn't let me stay. She said that Yale was way more important than her. So, well, what else could I do?" Rory took another hesitant pause, her voice carrying a heavy burden of guilt. "I know it's a lot to ask, but, could you go check on her. Please. You guys were friends long before you were…well you know. Please Luke, I know it's a big favor to ask right now, but just check on her for me, okay? I need you to check on her. I need to know that's she's okay, that I didn't just abandon my Mom." Rory's voice practically drowned in the sounds of her guilt and concern.

"Umm, okay. Bye," Rory's voice paused. "Oh, and Luke," Rory's sad voice continued. "I'm real sorry about what happened with my Grandma and my Dad and all that. I really wanted you and Mom to be happy. You seemed really happy. I hope you're okay."

Luke listened quietly as the machine finally clicked off, then got up and grabbed his coat…

**"Lorelai?" Luke called **as he opened the front door of her house when no one answered. "Lorelai, where are you? Lorelai?"

Luke started to search the house, growing more and more concerned when his efforts turned up no sign of her. He started to grow desperate when he couldn't find her in her bedroom, or the living room, or when even Rory's room turned up empty.

With a sinking feeling lodged in his gut, Luke made his way outside. He saw Lorelai's Jeep parked in it's usual spot in the driveway, it's lights on. He was making his way over to the vehicle, with the intention of turning the lights off, when he noticed the garage door. It hung open, and if Luke listened hard enough he thought he could hear something inside.

"Lorelai?" He called into the darkness, his stomach a knot of concern and sadness. "Lorelai, are you in there?"

He heard a slight sound and stepped into the dimly lit interior, letting his eyes adjust. With a sense of guilt and sadness, he realized that Lorelai had been right, the garage was very empty now that his boat no longer filled it.

He saw a slender, dim shape in the darkness.

"Lorelai?" He approached her slowly and carefully.

She sat, her knees drawn up to her chest, her arms wrapped around them, and her head down.

"Lorelai? Baby?"

She looked up suddenly, her expression horrified as she realized that Luke was really there. "Oh God. I'm so sorry. You shouldn't have to be here." She gasped. "Oh God, Rory called you didn't she. I told her that she couldn't do that. I told her…"

"Shh, Lorelai, it's all right," Luke interrupted her.

"No, no it's not. You shouldn't have to… you shouldn't…I meant it when I said I didn't want to be that girl. I respect your decision, I do."

"Shh," he soothed as he stepped forward and gathered her up in his arms, lifting her from the ground. She wrapped her arms around him automatically, holding on as he started to carry her out of the garage.

"Baby, you're freezing," Luke said in concern. "How long have you been out here?"

"I don't know. I don't remember," Lorelai answered through chattering teeth as her body started to realize just how cold it was now that Luke's warm arms were around her.

He carried her inside the house and up the stairs. When he got to her bedroom, he lay her gently on the bed. Carefully then, he pulled the blankets up around her, tucking her in.

"I should go make you something hot to drink; some coffee or something."

Lorelai smiled slightly, her eyes wistful and haunted by an unspoken longing. And as she lay there, looking lost and broken, Luke felt his own heart aching in his chest. It moved him to sit down on the bed and start to remove his green coat and his worn boots.

Lorelai watched him, questions in her eyes.

Luke set the coat and boots aside. Then he removed his treasured blue baseball cap, the one that Lorelai herself had given him, and placed in on top of his other things. He slipped under the blankets with Lorelai. Tenderly, he pulled her chilled body to him, wrapping her up in his arms and sharing his warmth with her. She snuggled against him, her face pressed lightly against his chest.

"Luke?"

"Shh," he said gently. "Sleep."

"Luke, you don't need to do this. I'll be fine," Lorelai said, her voice starting to sound a little drowsy.

"I know," he murmured.

He pulled her a little closer and gently began to rub some warmth back into her.

"I miss the boat," she said quietly after several minutes had passed.

"I think the boat may miss you. But…" Luke murmured, trailing off, uncertain.

"I…I understand," she said softly after several more moments of silence passed.

"I'm sorry," he replied.

"It's okay."

"Sleep now," he urged her softly, kissing her lightly on the brow.

As they started to drift off to sleep, wrapped in the comfort of each other, Lorelai murmured, "Luke?"

"Mmm?" he replied drowsily.

"Thank you."

He kissed her lightly on the brow in answer and held her gently through the night…

**Fin**(really this time :)


End file.
